We are created to instinctively defend ourselves, and when this natural ability has been stifled, we need to unlearn false beliefs. It's a process of trusting yourself - your inner self - as you retrain your thoughts to be more positive and relearn the patterns of confidence.
If you, like me, grew up not being understood, not being able to speak up, and not being able to defend yourself, then get ready to start finding your voice. It’s time to change your thinking while learning to quiet that inner voice that continues to silence you. Taking control of your own thoughts is a good first step toward rewiring your mind and emotions. Begin by connecting with your inner critic, that nasty little voice that reminds you of all the toxic, bad, and hurtful things that were said to you up until this point in your life. That inner critic was created by all of the toxic people in your life who criticized you, belittled you, verbally abused you, oppressed you, judged you, made fun of you, hurt you … you get the picture.
Each and every one of us has an inner critic. The words and tone may be different from person to person, but the outcome is always the same. That inner critic can be toxic and can keep you from rising to your full potential. Seeds of self-doubt and smallness were planted in you by those who intended to keep you oppressed and feeling less than. Your new job is to rewire your thinking by squashing all of those negative toxic words, phrases, emotions, and past voices from parents, siblings, caregivers, bullies, and intimate partners.
Understanding how you view your innermost self starts with connecting with your internal voice. It’s that voice that’s always telling you if you should, or you shouldn’t, or you can’t, or you won’t, or you’re not. When you start really listening to your inner voice, you may be surprised to hear all of the negative things you’ve been saying to yourself all along. Hopefully you’ll soon realize how detrimental your self-talk has been and begin changing it right away. You’ll even be surprised at how often you’ve been validating those toxic lies and negativity about yourself. Our inner critic is formed at an early age, generally by our caregivers through their direct words to us but also by how they portrayed us to other people, and how they treated us around others. Our inner critic can also come from assimilating the thoughts and feelings of those around us and by witnessing their own self-criticisms. We begin to compare ourselves with them and others, and that alone will devalue our self-confidence thus lowering our self-esteem and how we view ourselves.
Mindful observance and vigilant practice of listening to your inner thoughts and how you speak to yourself will help you stop negative thinking immediately. By stopping negative, self-defeating thoughts in their tracks, you can quickly replace them with a positive thought about yourself. This will empower you mentally while simultaneously developing your self-confidence. The idea is not to give negative thoughts any attention at all - just dump them! - and quickly replace the negative self-talk with positive words, happy thoughts, and powerful affirmations about yourself.
If you’re having a difficult time finding lots of good and believable thoughts about yourself, just search for one positive truth that you believe about yourself. It can be anything: something that you like to do, or that you’re good at, or that someone has complimented you on. Maybe it’s your smile, or the way you interact with other people or something fun you have done, or your sense of humor, or compassion for others, etc. When you have found that believable thought about yourself that resonates with you, this is now your go-to affirmation. You may need to say this same affirmation to yourself repeatedly throughout the day. As you allow yourself to become more aware of who you truly are, you will eventually find that you have a list of dozens of positive and encouraging affirmations in your treasure chest of esteem-boosting words and phrases. You are learning a new language, a love language for yourself tailored specifically for you.
If you’re not sure where to start, you can start with:
I am enough!
I am worthy!
I am perfectly and wonderfully created!
I am loved by the universe just because I am here!
I am loved by ___________ (put in a name of someone who loves you unconditionally, without criticism or judgment). For me, that person was my grandmother up until she passed. Now, my go-to for unconditional love is my faith in a higher power. For me, that is God.
As you learn to silence that harsh inner critic within your mind by replacing that voice with love and positive affirmations for yourself, you will strengthen your inner foundation of belief in yourself. When you believe in you, then the voice you need to speak up for yourself will come naturally. When you truly honor and respect who you are, you will set boundaries for yourself and speak your truth when those boundaries are being crossed. When you see red flags in a relationship, rather than ignore them, you will learn to speak up and stand your ground based on the truth that resonates within you.
Thank you for taking the time to read about Finding Your Voice. It's my hope that this guidance helps you in fostering healthier and more fulfilling connections.
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Together, let's create healthier and more loving connections.
Until next time, keep growing and thriving!
Warm regards,
Theresa Marie
Advocate & Life Coach for Domestic Abuse Survivors || Helping Women Recognize, Understand, and Escape the Cycle of Abuse || Author of "Rising Beyond Abuse - Love Shouldn't Hurt"
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